I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
