That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I still have a little drunk in my system
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
