If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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