At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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