Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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