party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
