Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
