my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
