Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
