Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
