dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
