She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
