Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
