the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
