Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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