You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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