is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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