VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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