Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
