Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
