You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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