His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
