so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
