Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
