How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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