I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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