You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
