That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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