Your dad touched me again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
