If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
