Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
