the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
