we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
