Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this is an emotional support booty call
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
