that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
