Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
