cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
