is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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