I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
