Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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