Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
