Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
