Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
