I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
