My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
