grandma shit on top of the toilet
you win again, gameday.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
