I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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