all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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