Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
