Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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