thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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