His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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