I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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