I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
