I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
