I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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