i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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