I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
