Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
