Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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