Me too!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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