im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
