Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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