chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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