You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
