You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
accomplished twins. life is a go
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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