yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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