I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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