i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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