The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
