You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
