he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
