apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
