at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
